If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

I dropped Heather off at the train station this morning at 5.05. I already feel lonely. I really don't have much longer here, I know this... four days, FOUR DAYS! But it feels like forever. My one and only friend has gone and left me here to be by myself... and it already sucks. I got a whole 3 hours of sleep last night because I am anxious and my mind wont stop going. I keep thinking that SOMETHING is going to go wrong which will make it impossible for me to go home. I know that it is ridiculous, but everyone goes through it... when you're so anxious to get somewhere and see people you haven't seen in FOREVER you can't help but think something will happen to prevent you from it. It isn't helping that England has been in a constant rain for almost 2 weeks... the weather channel website said it was supposed to be sunny the rest of the week... well, it doesn't look like it to me. I just want to cry... and I can honestly say that I have NO reason to cry besides that I just want to be home already... and that I miss my mom a lot and just don't want to be here... by myself anymore. I did get out of my prison cell they call a room. I am in the computer lab, re-reading some cliff notes on my two books for my final today at 2. After this final I have one more tomorrow, but not until 6pm. After that, I am DONE! The only thing I have to do after Thursday is do laundry and pack the rest of my stuff. I just hope it goes by fast. There is the last school trip to Whales on Saturday, and in a way I want to go, but I wont get back until 9.30ish and I probably wont be able to sleep at all... I just feel it might be too much since Sunday is such a long travel day for me. I honestly know I probably sound really pathetic, but it is time to come home... it is time to get back into my life back there. And I know... I KNOW I ONLY have four days left, but it feel like it will be the longest four days of my life. And in a way I am really jealous of Heather... she gets to be home in less than 12 hours. She gets to see her mom and her dad and sleep in her bed tonight. I know I am not far off, but it is normal (in my opinion) to feel the way I do. I remember when I first got here, I didn't think I was going to make it four months... I honestly thought I would come home, but I have done it... and now I have four days and I can't come home any sooner. I am just in a funk... and I am trying my hardest to be optimistic... I even wrote myself a little sticky note that says "Stop FREAKING OUT" and one that says "Be OPTIMISTIC". I am trying... I have less than a full hand of days left. I can do this, I know I can... I have fucking lived here for four god damn months, I can handle four more days... but boy do I wish I was only here one more day.