Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.

I finally have the time to write. I kept myself very busy the past week. It feels amazing to be home... Flagstaff has never been so amazing and beautiful to me before. I guess you realize how much you love a place after you leave it for so long.

As we know, my 21st birthday was spent traveling. What a loooooong journey THAT was. It sucked. I was nervous and freaking out the entire time on the 19th, thinking that my cab would be late (which it was), the bus would be late to the airport and I would miss my flight. Obviously nothing crazy happened which would make me miss my flight. When I got to the airport, the computers froze so I stood there fore about 20 minutes. I told the lady it was my birthday and I finally get to go home. She automatically got me a better seat and didn't charge me for the weight of my bag (the two bags=105 pounds). I get to the airport and I am finally hungry... Hadn't really had anything to eat for three days because that is what I do when I worry. So I grabbed something to eat before my flight and went to the gate and waited. The flight from Birmingham to Newark was so long. I got about 2 hours of sleep... I arrived in Newark and was so exhausted, but excited. However, figuring out that airport is stupid and annoying. It is a horrible airport. Anyway, I went to the desk where I could change my flight, paid the $25.00 to get the earlier flight from there to phoenix and just waited. As soon as I got on that airplane I started to get more anxious. I was sitting in the MIDDLE (i HATE the middle) and the two guys that I was sitting next to were both fidgeting and moving their legs all over the place. That flight was long too... I thought we would never make it! But we arrived about 15 minutes ahead of schedule. I got off the plane and started making my way to baggage claim and where I figured my mom and stephanie would be. and they were there!!!! Oh my god, it was amazing to see my momma and my best friend. Best feeling in the world (besides my mom hugging me so hard i thought i would die). But it was great. There are no words to describe how amazing it felt to be back home. We got my luggage and made out way to In-n-out. I got me my grilled cheese and rootbeer. It was DELICIOUS. After dinner we made the 2.5 drive to Flagstaff. At this point I have been up for three days England time, so I was exhausted. And of course once I get home, I couldn't sleep. Eventually I fell asleep and woke up at 5.30am. haha. I immediately started unpacking. I hate having my stuff in a suitcase, so since everyone was asleep, I figured I might as well start packing and keeping myself busy. Monday was spent running errands, DRIVING!, buying things, and just hanging out. I didn't take a nap even though I was tired because taking a nap would not help the jet lag. And I don't think I actually had jet leg. It took me about 3 days to get back to normal and not feeling tired during the day, but I went to bed by 8-9 and woke up 7-8 in the morning. Not too bad.

This weekend I went to Vegas. We only went out once, and I only had one shot. I don't get too crazy. haha. We went to Lindsay's families cabin up in Utah. It was great to just get away and relax. It is so peaceful up there. I love Lindsay's family and of course Lindsay herself. It was great to see everyone and share stories. Her brothers band The Cab just got signed so they are going to record soon. www.myspace.com/thecabrock is their website. They only have one song up because Fueled by Ramen/Decaydance runs their site and doesn't want them to give away too much of their new album that is to come out early next year. I am so excited for them. They are just graduating high school and Lindsay's brother, Alex already has $30,000.00 because of publishing rights. Other bands that are on the label are Panic! At The Disco, Fall Out Boy, Paramore, Gym Class Hereos, The Academy Is... I am so excited for them, and they are playing a show this up coming weekend that I am going to attend. I have never seen them play before because I was in England.

Anyway, tomorrow I start work again.I am excited for the paycheck every two weeks. It will be nice to get back in the swing of things. Samantha comes back next Sunday, so I can't wait to see her!!! This summer is going to be fun. especially since I don't have to ruin it with school. But that has its positives and negatives.

I will probably start writing in the other blog http://kyriesnaulife.blogspot.com/ because this journey has come to a close. Unfortunately, I end this blog with an odd number, but perhaps I will write just one more sometime to even it out. Damn OCD.

A woman travels the world over in search of what she needs and returns home to find it.

Things accomplished today:

• laundry
• going to my special place one last time
• going to Starbucks and finishing Invitation to a Beheading
• going to the art gallery

You would think the day would be going faster since I have done a lot. But, of course, it is dragging. it is only 5.45 here. 5.45!!! gosh darnet. But at least the day is practically over on my side of the world.

Tomorrow:

• take bedding and unwanted clothes/shoes/other random shit to the donation dumpster outside ASDA.
• hopefully go for a walk
• finish packing
• take my lat shower in the god awful shower here
• and try to keep my mind occupied as much as possible.

My bus that will take me to the airport on Sunday leaves Sunday morning at 5.15. I am taking a taxi to the bus station because I can't walk all my luggage up there by myself... I should get to the airport around 6.35 and I will check in and go through security. My flight leaves at 9am which is 1am back home. 7.5 hours later, I arrive in Newark where I will hopefully catch the earliest flight available (there are still 15 seats for the one at 3 and about 20 for the one at 4) so I don't have to sit in the airport for 8 hours waiting for my original flight at 6pm. I figure I will cry if they don't let me. Cry, say it is my 21st birthday, and that I haven't seen my mother in freakin 4 months. Tears always seem to get me what I want. :)

Right now I am not very sad that this experience is coming to an end. I think I will be sad once I am away and the shock of being home again goes away. I am at the whole "alright already, time to come home" phase. But I know once I look back, I will miss certain things about being here. It will just be awhile, seeing as I will be so excited be home.

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.

I am officially done with the semester. I just took my last final and killed it in an hour and fifteen minutes. Six pages of greatness.

My attitude is different today. I finally got good sleep (which I have been lacking) because of the Advil PM I took. A lovely 12.5 hours of sleep and I feel so refreshed. At times I still get a little blah, but I think that is normal. Now I get to sit around and do nothing for two days except for the little things I have said I will do to keep the days going by fast. If the weather is permitting tomorrow, I plan on taking my book, Invitation to a Beheading and going to the park after I do my laundry. If the weather isn't permitting, I will go to the free Art Museum that is just up the road which I tend to spend hours in. They have a new section called "Pop Art" and they even have an Andy Warhol piece that I love of Jackie O. after JFK got shot. (I have decided that when I move out, I am going to decorate my apartment with Andy Warhol prints). Hopefully the park on Saturday if I don't get to go tomorrow... and if I do get to go tomorrow, I will probably go again just so I am not sitting in my room tapping my knees trying not to piss my pants with excitement. hah

It is strange, now that I think about it that this whole experience is over. Granted, I am glad it is, but I don't want this to just be something that has happened. I know this is more than a memory... and I know I have grown to be a better person and was able to see the strength I don't usually allow myself to see when I am home. I am a lot stronger than I think I am, I just have to recognize that and believe in myself more. It is all a part of growing up, and I think, while I complain a lot about things, that I have grown up and matured. OBVIOUSLY these next few days are going to be me reflecting, and I will probably reflect for awhile after this... Stepping outside this place and looking back on it will make me realize a lot more.

It is almost 8 here... so I would like to say that I have two more days left. :)

If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.

I dropped Heather off at the train station this morning at 5.05. I already feel lonely. I really don't have much longer here, I know this... four days, FOUR DAYS! But it feels like forever. My one and only friend has gone and left me here to be by myself... and it already sucks. I got a whole 3 hours of sleep last night because I am anxious and my mind wont stop going. I keep thinking that SOMETHING is going to go wrong which will make it impossible for me to go home. I know that it is ridiculous, but everyone goes through it... when you're so anxious to get somewhere and see people you haven't seen in FOREVER you can't help but think something will happen to prevent you from it. It isn't helping that England has been in a constant rain for almost 2 weeks... the weather channel website said it was supposed to be sunny the rest of the week... well, it doesn't look like it to me. I just want to cry... and I can honestly say that I have NO reason to cry besides that I just want to be home already... and that I miss my mom a lot and just don't want to be here... by myself anymore. I did get out of my prison cell they call a room. I am in the computer lab, re-reading some cliff notes on my two books for my final today at 2. After this final I have one more tomorrow, but not until 6pm. After that, I am DONE! The only thing I have to do after Thursday is do laundry and pack the rest of my stuff. I just hope it goes by fast. There is the last school trip to Whales on Saturday, and in a way I want to go, but I wont get back until 9.30ish and I probably wont be able to sleep at all... I just feel it might be too much since Sunday is such a long travel day for me. I honestly know I probably sound really pathetic, but it is time to come home... it is time to get back into my life back there. And I know... I KNOW I ONLY have four days left, but it feel like it will be the longest four days of my life. And in a way I am really jealous of Heather... she gets to be home in less than 12 hours. She gets to see her mom and her dad and sleep in her bed tonight. I know I am not far off, but it is normal (in my opinion) to feel the way I do. I remember when I first got here, I didn't think I was going to make it four months... I honestly thought I would come home, but I have done it... and now I have four days and I can't come home any sooner. I am just in a funk... and I am trying my hardest to be optimistic... I even wrote myself a little sticky note that says "Stop FREAKING OUT" and one that says "Be OPTIMISTIC". I am trying... I have less than a full hand of days left. I can do this, I know I can... I have fucking lived here for four god damn months, I can handle four more days... but boy do I wish I was only here one more day.

Change is the constant, the signal for rebirth, the egg of the phoenix.

My horoscope for the week:
Week of May 14, 2007
Your inner world may be stirred up as Mars moves into your mysterious twelfth house on Tuesday. You are about to embark on an inner adventure – one that takes place in consciousness. From this point onwards you may find your dreams becoming more vivid and bright – offering you new insights into your past, present, and your future. Try and write them down, especially the more vivid ones as they will contain valuable guidance. The Sun in your sign is strengthening your resolve and helping you to.

I know that this next week is going to put a lot of things into perspective. It is my last week of doing this amazing experience and I will reflect more than I ever have before. I have challenged myself in more ways than one and will hopefully continue doing so, even after I go home. I feel as if I have changed... I feel like I grew up, matured, got more wise, more adventuresome, found strength, got more optimistic... I feel like I have changed so much, but I fear that it wont show when I get back. That I will still be considered the naive girl I was before I left. I guess this is normal, because sometimes we change and don't realize it until we are back in our comfort but sometimes we feel like we've changed and really didn't. My change may be small, but I feel it, and I guess that is all that matters.

Tonight is my "birthday" dinner. Heather leaves on Wednesday so we are going to our favorite pub one last time for the best fish n chips, followed by chocolate cake and sparkling wine. First we are going to the Wolverhampton Art Gallery to check that out, they have a new exhibit, "popular culture" so it should be fantastic. I keep forgetting that my birthday is on Sunday. I just know I am going home on Sunday... and that excites me. Usually my birthday excites me, but not this year... this year I have something better, I have home, my mom and Stephanie waiting for me at the airport.

There is actual blue skies right now. A first in about a week and a half. It finally stopped raining today, we were going on two days of rain. Dreadful, but at least I know I could live in Seattle if I ever decide to go there.

I think this is going to be a good week.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

To my mom, the moms in my family, and every mom out there... Happy Mothers Day!


To My Mother
For all the times you gently picked me up,
When I fell down,
For all the times you tied my shoes
And tucked me into bed,
Or needed something
But put me first instead.
For everything we shared,
The dreams, the laughter,And the tears,
I love you with a "Special Love"
That deepens every year..

I love you and I will see you soon.

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

I can officially say that in four months, I have been in four different countries!!

I am back and kicking from Dublin. Lets start from the beginning shall we? It was an interesting trip.

I didn't sleep at all on Sunday night/Monday morning. I decided it would be best if I stayed up for 36+ hours. We left for the train station around 4.30 am to catch our train that was around 5ish. We were sitting there, getting really excited and just talking away when the intercom man came on and said "We are sorry to announce that the 5 (insert time here) train to Birmingham International has been cancelled." Heather and I started freaking out... it is about 50 pounds, ($100.00) to take a cab from Wolverhampton to BHX. So we go to the ticket office and ask when the next train is this train was at 6.05 am. Our flight departs at 7.55. Panic takes over, but then I went into my optimistic phase and said "it will all work out. We will get Dublin..." So we waited and we waited. Then the intercom lady come on again and said "We are sorry to inform you that the 5.45 train to Birmingham International has been cancelled". HAHA. NOT FUNNY!! Now we are freaking out. I am trying not to show the fact that I want to puke, because Heather is freaking out for the both of us. We go back and sit down... when the intercom lady comes on once again "The 5.45 train to Birmingham International should be arriving in ten minutes" Thank god. I was about to shit myself. As soon as we get on the train, we relax... we don't have to switch trains or anything, so we just get off at BHX. We check in and wait at BHX and drink horrible coffee we paid $5.00 for. We board our flight and goooooo.

We arrive in Dublin and the thing with all these airports is that they are not in the actual city, they are always outside the city, which means you have to find transportation to the city itself. Usually, at least in Italy it was easy, they had signs and stuff to inform you where you can take a bus that will drop you off in the city. Dublin, not so much. We had to figure it out on our own. But it only took us 10 minutes, not too long. We got on the bus, and the bus dropped us off about a 10 minute walk away from our hostel, but doesn't tell us where it will pick us up when we go to the airport. Helpful. thanks.

Our hostel is amazing. Like a hotel!! Luckily, we got our own room and bathroom for wicked cheap. After we checked in and put down out backpack we went to the Dublin zoo!!! I love animals, I love zoos. I was so excited, even though it was about a 2 mile walk. It was well worth it. Heather and I were both really, really tired but we did it anyway. We walked around the zoo and saw monkey's having sex. in public. where CHILDREN could see. It wasn't anything exciting... obviously, they are freakin monkeys but still. That is what most of my pictures consisted of... not monkey sex but of the zoo. We stay for about two hours and then head back to our hostel. We're tired, it was sprinkling, the walk back seemed so much longer than the walk there. Hungry, we turned to something cheap and right there; Burger King. I haven't had burger kind in a very, very long time. But it was the easiest thing. We get back to our hostel around 5pm. We take showers and heather goes to sleep. I stayed up and read, I knew if I went to bed at 5 I would be up a couple hours later. So I read for 2.5 hours and then crawled up in my bed. Let me just say it felt like it was about 4pm because the sun was still shinning. Anyway, I try to fall asleep when all of a sudden, I start crying. Not the little sobs, but seriously freaking out and crying uncontrollably. I was really, really tired, I get that now, but my mind just wouldn't stop. I started freaking out about my grades (My paper was available to pick up on Wednesday but I wasn't going to be in the UK so...) I hate school here. It makes me feel like I am stupid. So I was thinking that I am going to fail all my classes, my GPA would go down, I wouldn't get into grad school, I wouldn't graduate. blah blah blah. You know, the normal freak out I have. I really wanted to talk to someone, but Heather was asleep and I would have gotten charged an arm and a leg to call my mom or a friend back in the states. So I just went into the bathroom and cried. I was done about an hour later... feeling cried out and climbed back into bed. Two hours later, I woke up. Heather was brushing her teeth and lucky for us, there was a fucking school field trip so there were loads of kids in our hall... slamming doors, screaming, being stupid. But I talked with heather for a bit and made me feel better. I was in Dublin, on vacation... I needed to enjoy this. I was asleep 5 minutes later.

Wednesday was a new day! We decided to do more of the tourist things; Trinity College where they have The Book of Kells, National Museum of Ireland, National Art Museum, St. Patricks Cathedral, Dublin Castle. The works. We saw 7 out of the 10 top ten things to do in Dublin. Everything was wonderful. The guys were great too! haha, they all had blue eyes, while the girls all had green or brown eyes. It wasn't crowded (thank goodness) so everything was pretty easy to get in and out of. We didn't do too much shopping because we still had Thursday before we had to get back to the airport. The Book of Kells was great. So much history and amazing to see it. I didn't know too much about it, but it is incredible to see things that have lasted so long and mean so much to the people. The museums were great. I love art. We spend at least 2 hours in there. The Dublin Castle didn't really look like a castle. they had to rebuild it because destruction. And there was a huge meeting going on Thursday so we couldn't see half of the castle. The tour guide was cute looking... the one thing I couldn't stand was the way they say another. It was said "anutter" oi. drive me crazy. St. Patricks Cathedral was beautiful, as all cathedrals are. By this time it was about 6ish so we decided to find something to eat. We went to a local pub and had the best pininis of my life. yum. After that we go back to our hostel and just watch the sun slowly go down and just hangout and talk about leaving. We went to bed around 9, and it was still light out. However, our sleep was interrupted by god damn people. This girl a couple doors down started SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS saying "I AM A BLOKE. I AM A BLOKE!" followed by some man screaming at her. This lasted about 3o minutes. They were pounding on doors and stuff and making so much noise. I thought someone died. Jesus.

Thursday was spent shopping. I went through my money like woah. haha. It was great though. I finally bought myself something that will always remind me of Dublin, as well as a few other things for other people. We get back to the main street where the shuttle dropped us off and waited for the bus. We arrived at the airport about 3.5 hours before our flight, but I didn't want to do anything else. I finished my book and just relaxed. It was a long three days, so it was nice to just sit and not worry about anything.

Dublin was very beautiful, and I like it more than the UK. Especially Wolverhampton. haha. There are picture up, but there isn't many. mostly consisting of the zoo. It was a great last trip, and well worth it. especially since it hardly put a dent in my bank account. haha.

I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it.

I have finished my paper. It took me about an hour. Whether or not it is any good, who knows, but whatever. I am over this school and their grading.

Usually I hate Sundays. It always marks the new week and makes me freak out because my planner is slammed with shit I have to do. You want to know what my planner says this week?
May 7th Monday- Turn in EN 3011 paper?
May 8th Tuesday- DUBLIN!
May 9th Wednesday- DUBLIN!
May 10th Thursday- DUBLIN! and Grandmas 3000th birthday! (she never tells me how old she really is. instead, she tells me she is anywhere from 1,000 years old and on)
May 11th Friday- EN3011 Paper due. If not submitted Monday, SUBMIT TODAY BEFORE 5pm.
May 12th Saturday- blank
May 13th Sunday- Mothers day (but it is already written on there)

Seriously. What an easy week. What an exciting week this new week is going to be. YAY!! I love his week. Although, I am going to love next week even more! Besides the whole two finals thing and dropping off one of my favorites at the airport at 4.30 in the morning on Wednesday. It is going to be a great week.

Today will consist of nothing. I might read Everything is Illuminated for a bit. I don't really' have anything to do, besides laundry. But I may just wait to do that tomorrow. I will be bored tomorrow, so who knows.

I walked into the shower this morning and this is what I see; the shower head on the ground, unattached from the little hose thing, chunks of hair everywhere, empty shampoo bottles, a dirty razor. seriously. I am so glad I only have to shower like 9 more times. I cant wait to shower in my shower at home. Our shower is amazing. I love it. I also can't wait to share a toilet with only one other lady, who would be my mother and isn't gross and doesn't puke all over the seat. And I will have toilet paper everyday! I wont have to steal toilet paper anymore!

I have become obsessed with looking at the weather channel. The rest of the time here (at least the next 10 days) is nothing but cloudy and showers here in Wolverhampton. haha. How horrible. We had such an amazing week last week, and now... it is going to be yukky until I leave. No good. I am getting excited... the 10 day forecast almost has the 19th/20th on it. haha. I am a dork, I know.

I have a rock garden. Last week three of them died.

YAY! It is Saturday. Do the weekend dance with me.... This weekend is a good weekend. I can tell. It is the weekend before Dublin, and it is the weekend that I am determined to finish this last paper so I don't have to worry about it in Dublin. I am going to Dublin in three days!

I just finished House of Leaves. If you think you're a great reader, give this book a try. It will challenge you like no other book will ever challenge you. I want to buy his new book because it is just as confusing. All the people I know who have read this book finished it in months. I finished it in a week. It took over my life. I wanted nothing more than to sit down a read it. It even gave me nightmares!

Today was the Cambridge trip, and obviously I am not there. I didn't want to spend 20 dollars on a trip where I sit in a bus for three hours, stay in a town that has nothing to do unless you want to pay for everything, then come home completely exhausted and have another three hour bus ride. I would rather spend my time in the park, or doing this paper that I am putting off. I have the paper done, I just need to expand on it. I talked with my professor yesterday, and he said I just need to relate everything back to the definitions of realism. So about 2 or 3 hours left of this paper and I will be done. It is just wanting to sit here for two or three hours to do it that seems to be the problem.

I am going to be in the airport 11 hours on Saturday/Sunday before I leave on the 19th/20th. 11 HOURS. So, I was a little worried on what I was going to do, so Heather googled it (I love Google. it has an answer for EVERYTHING) and Birmingham International has free wireless. So, I get to sit on my computer for 11 hours on the Internet. I also bought three movies while I was here, so I am sure I will watch those.

I am getting excited for Dublin. Heather and I are going to have so much fun. And as soon as we get back, we have a week left until she leaves and about 9 days till I leave. We are having an early birthday dinner for me at my favorite pub here for our last fish and chips, followed by chocolate birthday cake with strawberries and vanilla ice cream and the sparkling wine my friend Hilary gave me. Then Tuesday, before Heather leaves, we are going to another favorite restaurant called Nandos where they give you fresh cooked chicken, and two sides of your choice. I am looking forward to it. We don't really go out to eat anymore, we always cook, so this will be a nice little treat.

It's a nice day outside, so I plan on going to the park. Might read one of the three books that I brought with me that I haven't read yet. I started Everything is Illuminated when I got here, so I might finish that. I also brought Invitation to a Beheading and Sense and Sensibility. I am sure I will finish these books by the time I leave. I will have so much spare time on my hands after this final and after my finals. I will need something to keep my mind occupied. Plus, they are all great books that I haven't been able to read yet. I am going to need a bigger bookshelf when I come home. My suitcase (it could fit a human) is mainly books. haha. I am addicted. And you know as soon as I get home I am going to head over to Barnes and Noble. :^)

May is a great month. Not only because I get to leave, but because it is my Grandma's birthday, mothers day, my birthday, and the end of the semester. Which means I will be a senior in college in two weeks! WOOHOO!!! Almost done... with the undergrad. Still a long ways to go.

I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on.

Well. It is official. Kyrie has her first hangover in her entire life. Oh My FUCKING JESUS! How horrible is this?? I do not like this at all. I never get hangovers. I do now.

Heather and I decided we should go out since it is our last Wednesday together in Wolverhampton (she leaves in 13 days and next Wednesday we will be in Dublin), so we decided we should go and see everyone we probably wont see ever again. We had a drink with dinner (gin and tonic) which led to me having three more, Heather having one more and then going to the store to buy two of her favorite drinks here. Then we go out to the SU, and blah blah blah. I had a BLAST though. It was the first time I didn't take care of anybody and I just let loose. I fell down (how embarrassing now that I look back on it), but I was dancing with my friend Ruben, so he helped me up. The DJ at the SU hates us. We request American songs. EVERYONE loves the American songs that he plays, and he didn't play ANY last night. Very disappointing when it came to the music. But I danced anyway. Everything is a little blurry still. But, there is this guy that I call my boyfriend, even though he doesn't even know I exist... and I always kind of got the gay vibe from him... and last night, I think I saw him kiss a guy...? I don't know. Certain parts of the night are a little fuzzy in my brain. We leave the SU when it closes and we go to ASDA to get some pizzas with our friends Blair and Dave. We make two pizzas, eat them and then Blair and I walked back to Randall lines to go to bed.

I woke up at 9.30 this morning... still drunk, feeling horrible, and having to pee. So I made the walk that seemed like it was a mile long to the toilet to pee. Come back into my room feeling like i am going to puke and lay on my bed. Trying to go back to sleep, and trying... the god damn construction is still going on and they like to drill holes in the ground in the morning, and not in the afternoon when everyone is awake. But I managed to get another two and a half hours of sleep. I drank some water which didn't really help (i don't know what to do in these situations... I've never had a hang over!) I just took a shower which helped a lot, but I don't think I will get any writing done for my paper. Maybe I will... I don't know how long these lovely hangovers last... :( I am not going to drink here... ever. Well, we are having wine after my birthday dinner, but it isn't like getting drunk.

Either way. It is May 3rd, it is beautiful outside (and has been for about a week! which is simply amazing), I feel like shit, and I go to Dublin in 5 days. I come home in 17 days, I get to work! I get to see friends and my amazing family. Pictures will come along soon. Heather is in control of the photos, so I can't get them until she uploads them.