hey pretty what's on your mind

A lot. I have realized that if I don't stop freaking out so much and having a panic attack when one little thing gets out of line in my life, I am going to give myself a heart attack at an early age. My stress response is not so good and I freak out far too easily. I don't know what it is. I am going to be one paranoid parent. I look at some of my friends who don't have a care in the world and are happy all the time and don't let things get to them, and I wish I was like that at times. But being the paranoid crazy lady that I am makes me grateful because it makes me strive for the best grades or whatever. Some people don't care if their computer breaks for example... but my computer is my BABY. This was the first thing I bought myself that was more than $100.00. My money... mine. I think that makes me appreciate things more. My ipod and my computer and camera are all things that I had to work for and pay for, while most people (here especially) have mom and dad pay for anything and know that if something were to happen they would but them a new one. I am very glad I did not have that kind of life. I would be the most ungrateful shit there is if I had things just given to me. I am so grateful for everything I get. Sometimes I feel bad for getting things as well. But am blessed to have the ability to receive gifts but also buy myself things and appreciate both.



I wish I was here in England taking classes at NAU. I miss my English department and the professors. The professors here are so unapproachable and unwilling to help. I asked if I could bring in a draft for them to look at and he said "We can't do that. If we did it for you that means we would have to do it for everyone" and then turned around back to his computer. Asshole anyone?



I am going to be a senior in college this next year. I feel like I just got out of high school. I am also turning 21 in a couple of months. I feel like I just turned 18. Why is the time going by so fast? I get to apply for grad school and fill out graduation papers next semester. That just amazes me. I have accomplished so much. I went from having a 2.2 by the end of my freshman year to having a 2.9 now. I am not getting A's this semester. I have come to terms with it. Here, the ones who get A's are 1% of the students and the grades are rankings of the major. B's are what I am hoping for. I am actually graduating on time even though I changed my major, I have not had to take out a loan, I am not in any kind of debt... Most of my friends either have a couple grand in loans or mommy and daddy pay for it all. I on the other hand do get some financial aid, but still pay at least 2,000 a year for my school.



I am very thankful for the friends I have made here. My friend Heather is one of the best I have made. If it weren't for her, I would be miserable. We are so similar and think the same things... she reminds me a lot of my friend Lindsay back home who I miss dearly.

I am going to the cadbury world tomorrow in Birmingham. Lots of chocolate!!! We are going to a movie tonight Music and Lyrics I believe it is called. They also came out with a new one called "Becoming Jane" which is about Jane Austen which I am going to see in the very near future. We are also trying to get to the Pemburly House. It isn't actually called that, but that is what it is called in Pride and Prejudice. So hopefully that will happen this weekend.